You have to read this one. This is one of the best I've seen.

>> This belongs to the "disgusting, but strangely fascinating" category.
>> 
>> >From an article in the Los Angeles Times...
>> 
>> 'In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
>> trying to retrieve the gerbil,' Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors 
>in
>> the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
>> 
>> Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew 'Kiki' Farnum, had 
>been
>> admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone
>> seriously wrong. 'I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped
>> Raggot, our gerbil, in,' he explained. 'As usual, Kiki shouted out
>> 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot 
>but
>> he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a 
>match,
>> thinking the light might attract him.'
>> At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
>> happened next. 'The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a 
>flame
>> shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely 
>burning
>> his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in 
>turn
>> ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling 
>the
>> rodent out like a cannonball.'
>> Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
>> impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree 
>burns
>> to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
>> 
>> Anonymous response to dangerous rodent:
>> O.K., here's the top ten things that scared me the most in reading 
>this
>> story:
>> 
>> 10) 'I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum ...' Ouch!!!
>> 9) 'So I peered into the tube . . .' Aaaaaahhhhhhh. I'm sorry, but 
>that's
>> like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars 
>to
>> stare at the sun.
>> 8) That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) 
>being
>> shot out of the guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
>> 7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of 
>someone's
>> ass. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil was 
>springtime
>> fresh after his little journey into Kiki's 'tunnel of love.'
>> 6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in 
>their
>> rectums.
>> 5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were 
>doing
>> when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have 
>made up
>> a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking 
>into
>> my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted 
>the
>> truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a
>> doctor and saying 'Well doc, it's like this. See we have this gerbil
>> named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube ...'
>> 4) 'First and second degree burns to the anus'. Wouldn't this make 
>the
>> burning itch and discomfort of hemoroids a welcome relief? How does 
>one
>> ever take a healthy shit after something like this? And the smell of
>> burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face 
>of
>> God's green earth.
>> 3) People named 'Kiki' which is obviously a Polynesian word for 
>'Idiotic
>> white men who insert rodents up their butts.'
>> 2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?
>> 1) This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those
>> Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
>>
>
>
>
>**********************Quote of the Week***************************
>                                          Persistence:
>We cannot go back and make a new start, but we can start now to make a 
>new
>ending.
>
>
>
>--------- End forwarded message ----------
>
>