Top 10 reasons computers must be male:

  10.  They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
   9.  A better model is always just around the corner.
   8.  They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
   7.  It is always necessary to have a backup.
   6.  They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
   5.  The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
   4.  In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
   3.  The lights are on but nobody's home.
   2.  Big power surges knock them out for the night.
   1.  Size does matter

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Office Prayer

Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage
To Change the things I cannot accept,
And the Wisdom
To hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also,
Help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today as they
May be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.

Amen