Useful Personal Descriptions for Co-Workers or Superiors

38 Tactful Ways to Say Someone is Stupid

1. A few clowns short of a circus.
2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
3. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
4. A few beers short of a six-pack.
5. Dumber than a box of hair.
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
7. Doesn't have all her Corn Flakes in one box.
8. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
9. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
10. One taco short of a combination platter.
11. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
12. All foam, no beer.
13. The cheese slid off her cracker.
14. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
15. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
16. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
17. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
18. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
19. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
20. As smart as bait.
21. Chimney's clogged.
22. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
23. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
24. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
25. Forgot to pay her brain bill.
26. Her sewing machine's out of thread.
27. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
28. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
29. If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
30. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
31. No grain in the silo.
32. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
33. Receiver is off the hook.
34. Several nuts short of a full pouch.
35. Skylight leaks a little.
36. Slinky's kinked.
37. Surfing in Nebraska.
38. Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Some Useful Descriptions of People You May Work With Day to Day:

• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
• Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
• A room temperature IQ.
• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
• A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
• A prime candidate for natural deselection.
• Bright as Alaska in December.
• During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
• Fell out of the family tree.
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
• Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• He's so dense, light bends around him.
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
• Takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
• I would not breed from this Officer.
• This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
• When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
• He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
• He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
• Technically sound, but socially impossible.
• This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
• This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
• Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
• She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
• He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
• This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
• In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
• The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
• This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.