THE MISSION PRESIDENT:
1. Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
2. Is more powerful than a locomotive.
3. Is faster than a speeding bullet.
4. Walks on water.
5. Talks with God.
ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT:
1. Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
2. Is more powerful than a switch engine.
3. Just as fast as a speeding bullet.
4. Walks on water if the sea is calm.
5. Talks with God on special requests.
ZONE LEADER:
1. Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable wind.
2. Almost as powerful as a switch engine.
3. Faster than a speeding beebee.
4. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
5. Occasionally addressed by God.
DISTRICT LEADER:
1. Barely clears a quonset hut.
2. Loses a tug or war with a switch engine.
3. Can fire a speeding bullet.
4. Swims well.
5. Receives inspiration.
SENIOR COMPANION:
1. Makes high mark on wall while trying to leap tall buildings.
2. Is run over by a switch engine.
3. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting injury.
4. Treads water.
5. Prays a lot.
JUNIOR COMPANION:
1. Climbs the wall.
2. Constantly rides the rail.
3. Plays Russian roulette.
4. Walks on ice. (Thin ice, at that.)
5. Talks to animals.
GREENIE:
1. Runs into buildings.
2. Recognizes locomotives 2 out of 3 times.
3. Not issued ammunition.
4. Can stay afloat with the aid of a life jacket.
5. Talks to walls.
M.T.C. MISSIONARY:
1. Falls over doorstep while trying to enter tall buildings.
2. Says, "Look at the choo-choo!"
3. Wets himself with a water pistol.
4. Plays in mud puddles.
5. Mumbles to himself.
RETURNED MISSIONARY:
1. Lifts tall buildings and walks under them.
2. Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
3. Catches bullets in his teeth and eats them.
4. Freezes water with a single glance.
5. Thinks he is God.
--author unknown
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