Some time ago, I read an excellent book by Terry Goodkind called Wizard's First Rule. I found it particularly interesting because the First Rule was something I had often seen in action and had known instinctively but had never thought to put into words.
The First Rule is this: People are stupid.
As I pondered this great philosophical and sociological truth, I came to realize that while this statement was true, it was somewhat incomplete. Being a proponent of completeness (or at least of verbosity) I determined that I would elaborate on this statement, and provide those insights that I have gained over the years through personal experience and observation. I feel that my years of working in the college environment, as well as in retail sales, customer service, and call center management, make me uniquely qualified for such an undertaking.
So, without further ado, I present my observations and theories on human stupidity, a group of statements I refer to as Mikey's Laws.
Mikey's First Law:
People, on the whole, are stupid.
Mikey's Second Law:
People, as individuals, tend to be stupid as well.
Mikey's Third Law:
An otherwise brilliant individual will, from time to time, do something stupid.
* Corollary: Everybody is stupid sometimes.
Mikey's "Mirror, Mirror" Principle:
Stupidity is often observed in others but rarely in oneself.
Mikey's Additive Theorem:
Stupidity plus stupidity equals stupidity.
* Corollary: Two stupidities do not negate one another.
* Restatement of the Corollary: Two stupid actions do not make one intelligent action.
Mikey's Warning:
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Mikey's "Stupid Question" Theory:
Asking stupid questions is easier that correcting stupid mistakes.
* Corollary: There are no stupid questions, only stupid people who fail to ask questions.
Mikey's "Stupid Answer" Theory:
Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.
* Bill's "Stupid Answer" Theory: Ask a stupid person, get a stupid answer.
Mikey's Entropic Principle:
The total amount of stupidity in the universe, or in any given system (classroom, office, government agency, professional sports franchise, etc.) tends to increase.
Mikey's Singularity Principle:
There is no limit to the amount of stupidity that can exist in a given place and/or time.
Mikey's Razor:
If it sounds stupid, it is stupid.
Mikey's Paradox:
Stupidity is both the cause and the effect of the human condition.
Mikey's Law of Genetics:
Stupidity is dominant.
* Corollary: Stupidity begets stupidity.
* Justin's Commentary on Mikey's Law of Genetics: Some people just shouldn't procreate.
Mikey's Employment Principle:
Most people who complain that their boss is stupid would be unemployed if the boss were any smarter.
Mikey's Dictum:
Silence is the only successful substitute for intelligence.
Mikey's Observation on Intelligence:
Intelligence is like money: if you keep your mouth shut, people tend to assume that you've got a lot more than you actually have.
Mikey's Contrast:
Intelligence can, at least in theory, be quantified. Stupidity is boundless.
Mikey's Blessing:
Bless me with the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people who were too stupid to be allowed to live.
©1997/2004 by Michael Martin. This work may be freely distributed as long as the content remains unchanged and this notice appears with each distribution.
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