Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell men how wonderful they (the men) are.
Women have their faults, many and various. Men have only two: everything they say, and everything they do.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinions, she's a b*tch.
Women are the only exploited group in history who have been idealized into powerlessness.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex is smarter.
Most men's primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a number of beautiful women. For a man, commitment means giving up this fantasy. Most women's primary fantasy is a relationship with one man who either provides economic security or is on his way to doing so (he has "potential"). For a woman, commitment to this type of man means achieving this fantasy. So commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up.
It's not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women who can simulate foolishness whenever necessary, which is the very core of intelligence.
Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance.
The only way to understand a woman is to love her - and then it isn't necessary to understand her.
To women, love is an occupation; to men, a preoccupation.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
Men marry because they are tired; woman because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her; a man, of the woman who he didn't.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should learn to forget his mistakes - no use in two people always remembering the same thing.
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
Husbands are like cars: all are good the first year.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
If you women knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us.
Men are animals, but some of them make great pets.
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
Women have two weapons - cosmetics and tears.
Women may be the only group that grows more radical with age.
God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
NICKNAMES:
If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a beer, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, toilet paper, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
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