60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on.
50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat.
45 degrees - Colorado residents go to an outdoor concert.
40 degrees - You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.
35 degrees - Italian cars don't start.
32 degrees - Water freezes.
30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia or Mexico
25 degrees - Ohio water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.
20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
15 degrees - French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
5 degrees - American cars don't start.
0 degrees - Alaska and Colorado residents put on T-shirts.
-10 degrees - German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you step outside.
-15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansas residents stick tongues on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.
-20 degrees - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.
-25 degrees - Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-30 degrees - You plan a two week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 degrees - Californians disappear. Coloradoans plan a ski trip. Washingtonians wonder where the rain went. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweater. Your cat helps you plan your trip to Mexico.
-50 degrees - Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window.
-80 degrees - Polar bears move South. Green Bay Packers and Buffalo Bills fans order hot cocoa at the game.
-90 degrees - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
-100 degrees - Hell freezes over. Utah Jazz win the NBA Championship. Politicians finally tell all!
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