We at PETP (People for Ethical Treatment of Pumpkins) wish to express our outrage at the inhumane and cruel treatment of our little orange friends at the hand of unethical and barbaric pumpkin hunters!
Once again, with pumpkin season upon us, thousands of so called "humans" will take to the fields in a cruel and evil frenzy to capture and kill one of God's most harmless and beautiful creatures, the pumpkin.
Why must we allow this carnage to continue? Men no longer need to hunt the pumpkin to place food on their tables and feed their families. Must we allow the killing of millions of helpless pumpkins just to fill some caveman need for "sport"?
Oh yes, some hunters do used the poor little lifeless bodies of the pumpkins they ruthlessly kill to make pumpkin pies and pumpkin cookies and pumpkin bread, but such foods can be made from domesticated produce without having to track down and kill our poor wild pumpkins!
But, the vast majority of pumpkin hunters are trophy hunters, who stalk, track down, and kill poor little pumpkins just for a trophy for their porch or a window!
This sickness is only made worse in the way these hunters allow, yes, even encourage, their children (CHILDREN!) to cut, gouge, gash, and carve with knives the sad little gutted dead bodies of their prey. In this way, they both encourage a new generation to take up this hideous "sport" and teach poor little children to disrespect and treat in cruel way our fellow creatures on this planet.
Worse, many schools now take their children on field trips to the habitat of the wild pumpkins. They turn them loose to chase down the little orange creatures and rip them from their families. Furthermore, they carry them back to school where the awful and hideous mutilation of their poor trembling bodies is encouraged by their teachers!
This must stop! Our scientists have known that, like humans, pumpkins mate for life and form loving and caring family units. We at PETP urge you to write your Representative and demand a stop to be put to this yearly slaughter of helpless pumpkins. We urge you to protest at stores which sell both captured pumpkins or the traps, knives, and guns used by those who hunt them. But most of all, we urge you, if you have trapped a pumpkin and he or she is still alive, PLEASE return him or her to wild so he or she may once be reunited with his or her family, to live out their lives as Mother Nature intended, free in the wild!
What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
He had to give it back.
What's a monster's favorite bean?
A human bean.
What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
He wanted a light snack.
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.
How can you tell that a vampire is lazy?
He uses leeches.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because coffee keeps them up all day.
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes "Quack-quack?"
Count Duckula.
What kind of dog does Dracula own?
A blood hound.
What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
Tired blood.
Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank.
Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch?
At the casketeria.
Where does Dracula water ski?
Lake Erie.
Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Which songs does Dracula hate?
"You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on My Shoulders."
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get any sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
What did the little ghost's mom give him for lunch?
A boo-loney sandwich.
What do baby ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.
What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.
What do ghosts serve for desert?
I scream.
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do you call a ghosts' mistake?
A boo boo.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
A poultry gheist.
What haunts your house and honks?
Poultergeese.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A boo-tie.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What kind of music do ghosts listen to?
Sheet music.
What's a ghost's favorite desert?
Boo-berry pie.
What's a ghost's favorite ride at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster.
Where do ghosts go shopping?
Boo-tiques.
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
Where does a ghost mail his letters?
At the ghost office.
Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.
Whom did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day scare centers.
Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before Halloween?
To get a BOOster shot.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
What do witches use to style their hair?
Scare spray.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
Who was the most famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid they'll fly off the handle.
How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Hit him in the funny bone.
What do skeletons say before they begin dinner?
Bone apetit.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.
Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
How do mummies hide?
They wear masking tape.
What's a mummy's favorite music?
Wrap music.
Where do mummies go for a swim?
The Dead Sea.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why did the mummy keep his Band-Aids in the refrigerator?
He wanted to use them for cold cuts.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour-puss.
When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you're a mouse.
How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin with a Jack-o-lantern.
Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!
What do evil chickens produce?
Deviled eggs.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.
Where do most werewolves live?
In Howllywood, California.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why do dragons sleep all day?
So they can fight knights.
Why did the doctor tell the zombie to get some rest?
He was dead on his feet.
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